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Merry Midwinter Holyday

Mine came early! Because Russ isn't good with computers, and I've really wanted a laptop, he brought me to the Apple store at the West Towne Mall in Madison and he got me an Mac Notebook. Fast forward, to trying to configure the wireless network with the cable company, and Himself being all stressed out. After they got me off the phone saying "Call Apple - it should be working" I clicked a few buttons and a few stray neurons from all that training bumped into each other, and I was able to connect after all. To which Russ pronounced me a Genius. LOL. Not... quite I am ready to get rid of the 6 year old PC..... that iMac looks really slick with the 20 inch screen.
Ho. Ho. Ho.


My Cat Needs A Lobotomy

Poor Paxil.... P for short.  Since the even before the move he just hasn't been 'right'... first we were putting stuff in boxes, then the apartment was empty (I think that freaked him out more than anything) and then we stuffed his ass in a cat carrier and drove him 5 hours to Madison where he was introduced to another (a bigger nicer home P look at all this room! You never had it so good!) empty home and this cat has lost his tiny mind.

He howls when anyone leaves.  Or whenever he goes down the stairs to the front door.  Or whenever he feels like howling.   He likes to be bad, because he can. He's a crab ass to Wiley (who as a picky Siamese you'd think would be the one to Freak Out ) and as taken to being mean and aggressive to Wiles. I am telling you - he needs kitty drugs.  Or a beating... or both

Or a lobotomy.  

When he's at the bottom of the stairs howling away if you call him like a dog, he will come warbling and gurgling and running full speed up the stairs.

This cat has issues.


Give Me Strength

Goddess give me strength not to reply !!

1. "Lisa I can't imagine how you thought I was calling you intolerant or ignorant."
2.  "I used the wiccan liturgy an blended it with christian themes and oh the minister and everyone was so moved!"
3. "Again I never mean any harm it was me curious, and it's your perogative to answer like you did."

Oh yeah and Jungian theory and the collective unconscious means the theory of Cultural Theft is irrelevant.

I will not reply with:

1.  Go ask Native American Tribes how they feel about their culture being raided by pagans, and then we can discuss if the idea of "cultural theft" is irrelevant.
2.  I'm happy you were able to take your ritual and bend it to fit a situation, but you fail to see that is not what I was talking about.  My argument remains the same, take a Born Again Evangelical Minister (whom isn't friendly to pagans) and have HIM take your ritual and use it to evoke his own gods. 



Yeah but I guess I'm just blowing smoke out my ass, and I dont' know what the hell I'm talking about.


Some people

 Really know how to piss me off.


Time is a shifting river that has a way of carrying us out of reach of the shore, especially if we forget to bring  a paddle to keep pace with it's swift currents. That's a really nice way of staying Time Flies.

I can't believe it's been so long since I've posted here, but then I also can't believe I am at the point in my electronic journalling life where I am ready to close down my first home - The Coffee Cauldron.

I let it go back to a free forum because it seemed like a giant waste of money, given that I was the only one posting to the forum and had been for nearly a year.  I mean I can only take narcissism so far...

I decided that I couldn't just shut it down so I am saving off the articles and posts so that there is a record that the Cauldron existed and for a time, was a vibrant place filled with people who connected with others and shared interesting ideas.

I am sad, but also I know this will give me more time to spend on my art work, and hopefully building that up into a small viable craft business. 

Also since I am in Madison WI now, the land of Circle Sanctuary, perhaps I can gather up the courage to actually network with other pagans in the area.


Time to dig out the Alan Parson's Project mp3 and give it a listen.
September 13, 2007
Stronger Than You Know
Getting Ourselves Worked Up

Our capacity to cope successfully with life's challenges far outstrips our capacity to feel nervousness. Yet in the weeks, days, and hours leading up to an event that we believe will test our limits, we can become nervous. While we may have previously regarded ourselves as equal to the trials that lie ahead, we reach a point at which they near and our anxiety begins to mount. We then become increasingly worked up, until the moment of truth arrives and we discover that our worry was all for nothing. We are almost always stronger and more capable than we believe ourselves to be. But anxiety is not rational in nature, which means that in most cases we cannot work through it using logic as our only tool. Reason can help us recognize the relative futility of unwarranted worry but, more often than not, we will find more comfort in patterns of thought and activity that redirect our attention to practical or engaging matters.

Most of us find it remarkably difficult to focus on two distinct thoughts or emotions at once, and we can use this natural human limitation to our advantage when trying to stay centered in the period leading up to a potentially tricky experience. When we concentrate on something unrelated to our worry—such as deep breathing, visualizations of success, pleasurable pursuits, or exercise—anxiety dissipates naturally. Meditation is also a useful coping mechanism as it provides us with a means to ground ourselves in the moment. Our guides can aid us by providing us with a focal point wholly outside of our own sphere.

The intense emotional flare-up you experience just before you are set to challenge yourself is often a mixture of both excitement and fear. When you take steps to eliminate the fear, you can more fully enjoy the excitement. Though you may find it difficult to avoid getting worked up, your awareness of the forces acting on your feelings will help you return to your center and accept that few hurdles you will face will be as high as they at first appear.

The Space Between

Russ and I went to the garden this past Sunday. It was a gorgeous day the sun was shining and the breeze was blowing. And I watched him working in the garden and sat under a magnificent oak tree I called "Grandpa.” I sat there for so long I realized I was grounding and centering and channeling energy. I got up after awhile and found a 'most magnificent' rock, and then another, and I realized I needed to find a set of four magnificent   rocks one for each element of Life.
Earth, Air, Sunshine and Water I did find a wonderful penis shaped rock for sunshine and sat and charged each rock separately and together saying 'magnificent rocks which represent the elements of life - please protect the life in Russ's garden and help it grow healthy and vibrant"
I made Russ come over and explained what I'd been doing and I'm glad he was wearing sunglasses so I didn't see the "my wife is nuts' look. He quizzed me if they had to go any particular spots and I said 'they represent life and that's everywhere, so no put them in the corners where it feels right" and he took his time then he said "But what about the other garden?" in a tone of voice like some kid and I smiled and tucked the straw flower behind my ear and said "I'd better look for four more magnificent rocks hadn’t I?”
And I did find four more rocks and he worked in the other garden for a long time I leaned up against Grandpa. I realized I'd nearly fallen  into a trance, at one point  and that my shoulder (and the torn rotator cuff I have been suffering with for three months) wasn't hurting so much it was as if the Oak had reached out and enveloped me in it’s energy and I found myself thinking about “the space between.”
It occurs to me that it is the space between my atoms and the old oak trees atoms was the space where we became one being, and since atoms move freely – there is fundamentally no barrier between me and the tree, me and Russ or Russ and his garden we truly are all one Being with many different points of light. Moving into that in between space, and knowing it is Us, is what makes us peaceful warriors. We are awake to the larger reality and it is with that awareness gain the ability to move into that space of oneness – of Being with All.
So it was with real love and amusement that I chatted with the 80 year old man who interrupted my esoteric meanderings right around the time Russ came asking for the second set of special stones for the second garden plot.
I gave him the stones which he tooks his time placing and then Russ came back all hot and cranky and sort of jealous of my obvious zen moments and announced it was time to go, and turned and went to pick up his tools from the garden.
So I slowly disengaged my self from Grandpa Oak and the aches and pains came back and the shoulder started hurting and I hoisted myself up and came to a sudden and abrupt stop.
“RUSS!” I whispered/yelled none too peacefully. “What?!” he snapped back. I just raised my hand – the one I’d been doing magic with all afternoon and motioned him to come back from picking up the tools.
He was greatly annoyed; like I was some sort of monarch summoning my staff… who did I think I was anyway….
I frantically pointed out the tiny baby red squirrel that was on the ground no more than a foot away from me and had not been there all after noon and hadn’t been there until I decided to get up and leave the tree – oh a minute earlier. It was so tiny, and not moving, or moving so slowly with flies crawling on it.
Russ looked at me, “So? It’s a baby red squirrel like the grey ones I rescued last year. We can’t do anything about it. The hawk has to eat too you know.” And he turned and walked away.
“It’s not right!” I yelled, then folllowed after him and I guess he’s never run into ‘that’ Lisa.   It didn’t matter that we didn’t have anything to carry the baby squirrel in, Russ could carry him of course – he looked at me as if I’d lost my mind.
“It’s not right!”
You see in those moments in those Between Spaces where I talked with God/dess, I realized that there is no difference between me and the oak, between Russ and the garden and of course when I saw the squirrel I realized there was no difference between me and the squirrel.   
In that space between… there is no difference between me and thee…
So there no arguing with me, there was Russ and I trying to run down this suddenly lively squirrel who after all didn’t like this big guy picking him up in his work gloves, and once Russ got him cupped in his hands gnawed and let him know if he weren’t so little… :o)
And Russ is fussing and claiming he can’t possibly hold him all the way to the Wild Life Rehabilitation Center so I walked over to another gardener and she happened to have a sour cream or yogurt type container and lid (of course she did) and we popped the little bugger in there (easier said than done) and drove him over to the Wild Life Rehabilitation Center and dropped him off with a donation.
Grandpa couldn’t just let me get up and leave; he had one last thing for me to do. And it’s ok I didn’t mind at all that little red squirrel was very cute and very red and he had a very fuzzy tail. It looked good on him.
 So perhaps Russ is starting to believe in the slightly nutty wife he married...

Breaking the Silence

You may have noticed I've been quiet for the past few weeks (months really).  There are a couple reasons for that.
  1. I'm being screwed around with at work, transferred out of a job that I'm excellent at, so they can put a woman who is close to retirement (I mean by weeks)  who has never even rolled a phone to voicemail in my place.  Oh I will still be doing all the complicated work, I will have the joy of doing 2 jobs getting paid for one and shuttling between them in a bad neighborhood. My new supervisor (5 whole years experience at my level before getting the supervisors position - ah nepotism is alive and well) lies to me, keeps me out of the loop, and apparently tells everyone else a different version of the story.  Nice. Unfortunately - the my union can't do anything our contract states that HC can move me to cover work needs in another office.  It says nothing about supervisor created disasters.....
  2. Russ was fired from his job a week ago yesterday. 
  3. Rhiannon's bio-loser father actually told Rhiannon she did NOT have to listen to or respect Russ.
  4. This has caused a light bulb moment with all her arguing with Russ over the tiniest little thing.
  5. See #3
  6. I've been dealing with a torn rotator cuff for 3 months and it is not getting better and I'll have to quit bitching and go see the damned Ortho doctor.  Apparently crying out in pain and the slightest wrong movement, continued interrupted sleep which even ambien can't fix cause it hurts to much, weakness, tingling and lack of range of motion - not to mention I can hardly dress myself anymore is not a normal healing process for a shoulder injury.  Go figure.
  7. Did you know stress causes major fibro flare ups which exacerbate all of the above????

There have been times I've looked at the entire prescription bottle of ambien ............

It Figures

So they cancelled the Mayfair I was going to be a vendor at.  Isn't that just a kick in the pants?  I do all that work, face all that f%$!ing fear do what is necessary to get my ass in there and get my foot in the door.... only to hear nothing.  

I figured that they didn't want me (um... insecurity thy name is Lisa) so I checked the website to find out today the whole event has been cancelled.


I created a photo album of all the pieces I did for the craft show/pagan fair if anyone wants to look.  I'm more than slightly bummed out.


Have I mentioned I hate Delphi?

I've had my theme for so long I forget who did it and where the thrice damed images are stored now the whole damned thing is black.



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December 2007


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